#but dont assume im singling out engage

[39472034658449305249465224devils]

i just have a really hard time calling this an 'upgrade in visuals' personally

i guess ill just always have a 'retro bias' but like... idk.

as much as im a 3ds era lover there is NO denying the art of earlier FEs (espessially 4 through 8 to me) just has such a soul filled charm that separates it so heavily from more modern titles. the trends of the time, the artists onboard, tighter understanding of aesthetics and identity all really end up making a strong and memorable visual style(s). older FEs seem to have a better idea of what they are, and thats not a new concept to the fandom at all. its difficult because the shift is not really something that can simply be 'undone'. its not 2001 so FE wont 'look 2001' anymore. but at some point, something distinct and valuable was lost in the chase of business over artwork.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

happy weekly tag wenesday!

thanks for tagging me @stocious and @mmmichyyy

name: gigi

age: 24

where in the world are you? brooklyn baby

how tall are you? 5'-0" and i lowkey assume everyone i dont know in person is also itty bitty. all of you saying 5'-5"+ need to reevaluate, get down here, quit mucking around

what color are your eyes? brown and green

what’s something that frightens you? 🤖🕷🐍✈️🏥🦠

do you have children? if not, do you want any? no and big no thank you. however im a big advocate for not being a dick about kids being kids in public, if i catch you giving a stink eye to an overstimulated toddler or their mama you will gain one hater in me

are you the eldest, middle, youngest, or only child? eldest daughter

what time do you usually wake up? 6am for work, hoping 7am at my next place

relationship status? single

do you identify as a member of the queer community? baby bi-bi-bi.

any tattoos/piercings? just my ears, no tattoos

something you love: our stunningly beautiful mother earth and all you folks on it

something you hate: i try very hard not to hold hate in my heart, but i think my generation should put an end to handshakes as greeting. I dont want to touch you, stranger

do you have any pets? no thanks <3

do you have a license/can you drive? yes and im a good driver but i haaaaate it, too engaging to safely focus on other things but not engaging enough to be actually interesting

if you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? idk, i think she had it mostly figured out. smoke a little less weed maybe, your brain is very much still cooking

and finally, something people would be surprised to know about you: i was raised in hawaii? i dont think ive mentioned that here but its my go to fun fact for life

tagging: @energievie @heymrspatel @blue-disco-lights @gallawitchxx @iansw0rld

@lingy910y @metalheadmickey @jrooc @mickeysgaymom @creepkinginc

@mickeym4ndy @sirrudo @em-harlsnow @mickittotheman

@suzy-queued @solitarycreaturesthey @softmick @ian-galagher

@jademickian @doshiart @spookygingerr @deathclassic @thepupperino

[pixelprofligate]

this is another Fallout London post. more of a rant but still:

because GOD this is really not good. maybe im just like really critical of stuff but so much of the mod just doesnt add up to...anything? most of the quests are uninteresting or outright present you with dialogue options that outright contradict themselves or basic established lore of the world they've set up, so many locations are near empty and boring as hell to try and explore, with a SIGNIFICANT number of the marked locations having literally nothing to find in them, some of them actually having nothing in them at all, there's tons of NPCs, both generic and some named that have, and i dont mean this hyperbolically, literally no dialogue at all, the mods full of things that are just wrong about britian, like posters calling the tower bridge london bridge, the combat encounters are regularly boring because all the factions are functionally the same in terms of equipment, lots of the weapons you can use have blatantly anachronistic modifications like actual real modern day attachments, all of the "new enemies" are just model swaps that use the same skeleton and movesets and often the same exact sounds as base fallout 4 enemies and often aren't even properly rigged for the skeletons they used (like the fucking assaultron replacement that just constantly clips thru its own model anytime it moves at all because they gave it a skirt it was never built to have), and on top of all of it, the mod itself just breaks all the time. there were multiple times quests couldn't progress because NPCs just didn't say the line of dialogue they were suppose to, completely softlocking their quests (this happened with every single main faction at least once), and to top it off most of the assets actually used in this mod weren't even made for it, most come from the Capital Wasteland Project, but even things like the terminals and most of the guns are just straight up from other mods. also, multiple terminal entries were just outright written by AI. and im not saying that like "oh theyre just poorly written so i assume its AI" i mean the lead dev in their discord fucking confirmed it and said he had no clue it happened. like i get a lot of people worked really hard on this, and i dont want to shit on them, but to call this mod "one of the best things fallout has seen in years" i think is a massive disservice to everything else fallout related weve seen since even 76 came out. this mod is a mess of ideas that rarely add up to anything interesting, with a story that gives you no real reason to care or engage with it, that leads to a fight that fucking sucks so much the final battle is terrible (you're forced into a melee fight with a weapon that isn't any of yours on a tiny catwalk where you have to beat the same guy TWICE in a row, and then he gets great mouse detectived), and ultimately never feels fulfilling. it does so little actually interesting with the factions it made or the area its set in and the fact people absolutely adore this mod fucking baffles me. this mod is not good. i genuinely want to know what people like about this because i cannot understand a single aspect of it, ESPECIALLY the people saying this is better than like, base Fallout 4 itself.

[kaleidosouls]

random text post of day #

been watching creepcast more or less since the first/second episode and after latest i keep wanting to talk to ppl abt my thoughts and im tired of trying to engage with other youtube comments / i dont wanna keep bothering my spouse with this plus id want to talk to other ppl who are viewers but dhkdhfk im gonna rant behind the cut; tw animal death/violence, child abuse

gonna rant assuming readers is also a viewer cause too tired to explain, sorry. this is just “stuff id want to chat with fellow fans of the poscast but i dont have friends who watch it, and the youtube comments suck for the most part and id rather be turned inside out than login to reddit”, like i did end up using rhe comment section way toomuch already, jm tired and its like 3% normal ppl and 97% dicks and assholes with bully disorder

like it was a big enlightening to just properly label things last night at last and process the feelings and situation. this is jsut a podcast with isaiah bullying his cohost hunter (“as a joke”) and the fans at large are people who enjoying bullying snd find it funny, and try to bully commenters who disrupt their “fun”, trting to discret and demean them as friendless parasocial losers for not playing along the theater of mockery and treating it as socially acceptable.

like its one thing to tease between friends and make dark jokes, its another thing to repeatedly, insistently, laugh at your friend for being traumatized as a child by violent animal death? like. its like i get that initially he was just really baffled at the event like haha oh my god did that happened thats so fucked up (which is annoyingly normie in its own way like yeah dude, none of us have control over fucked up shit happening to us as children, like he makes such a spectacle about it like its this earth shattering thing). like its tragic and a big deal but like wrt trauma its usually safe to be on the level that the person with the trauma is setting, if theyre talkinf about it really intensely it makes sense to match up to that tone or lower. instead hunter is trting to move on while isaiah is just obsessed fascinated with it like its fiction almsot. idk just . uggghhhhhhh

i could kust make a collage fo commwnts that made me like lose hope for humanity each time but i dontw anna dwell on annoying bullshit and commit it more to memory. like people are jusr… like there is some dark humor inherent to like calljng your mom as an adult on your show to have her back you up only for it to turn out it was way worse, but like the way isaiah kept laughing about it for so long.. like hecan laugh and joke like that at his Own traumas if he has them. just. idk. tgisn podcast like just. ugh its making me irritated tot hink abt explaining whats happening in it to people like go watch it with adblock on, im gonnaskip explainjng more and jsut say some feelings to the void that id rather like scream at someone about. i was gonna say scream at assholes in the commmebts but i actually want their internet connection destroted and for them to be forced to dismantle their phones and pcs and set them on fire so they can never speak again.

isaiah is coming off like such a monster. like, “””as a joke””” acting like an asshole is still acting like an asshole, i dont care anymore that hes actually probably rly well intentioned and ncie bc he jsut needs to stop being fucking rancid and a shitty cohost and friend. an honestly i cant even believe the “hes actually nice” shit anymore. starting tj feel hes been an ashsole all along and just pretends to be a good guy. like he takes too much joy out of excessive bullying to be a good person. like genuine just bullying, with no consequences. ppl are like “oh hunters fine with it bc hes putting up with it” like as if every single person alive Never has to put up and laugh along shit that bothers them. specially on what is essentially their Job. hunter barely appears comfortable and he does not dish back nearly as viciously- and we jnow hes capable of rly dark humor and banter too, on his own channel tje vibe is completely different but he has none or that edge with isaiah. while isaiah is literally like i wnan dox you please fans m*lest hunter in the meet and greet, i want this guy dead; isaiah literlaly makea such a huge deal every time hunter had a disagreeing opinion irs clear hes started to just not weight in when he doesnt like something, itd be one thing to make these super intense mean comments if hunter did them back but every time isaiah would not take or tolerate it when it was towards himself,; and honestly all of the stuff before had been like accumulating to be pretty bad but rhe latest ep with the dog story eallyi guess like crosses a line of like, this is just genuinely wrong and i dont care how mcuh the comments say its ‘parasocial’to have basic human empathy! youre watchint a guy talk abt having the family dog shot in the back of the head in front of him by his grandfather, only to then find out on air feom his mother the shooting had been intentional and his grandfatehr was actuallt a monster instead of a disabled man traumatizinf you by accident. like the ironic tragedy of him calling his mom to back him up on that ‘its not a big deal’ only for her to contradict him is funny on a cosmic sense, but like it is iust. not that funny dude. like isaiah kept bursting into laughter just thinking about it. oh is it too absurd for you to take seriously? do yoh just not give a fuck about how tour friend might feel? dude didnt even fucking ask. he didnt eveb show a sliver of care , sympathy empathy anything. he literally says “ill never let you live this down”. LIVE WHAT DOWN???? having his grandfather intentionally shoot his dog in front of him as a 7 year old child? like what the actual fuck is wrong with him??!! have like even a shred of respect for your cohost, like its all ‘as a joke’ but if you consistently ‘as a joke’ act like a cruel manipulative bullying person, im just gonna choose to believe youre actually just that person using “humor” as a shield to excuse your behavior.

like wtf. i was actually a fan of isaiahs chanel first and i didnt rly vibe with hunter that much and i wouldnt have expected, bc i woildnt enjoy watching an asshole, that isaiah wouldve turned out to be such a self centered horrible person. like its all funny TO HIM, i dont get the sense its enjoyable at all to be in that room when isaiah is getting all giddy and having a kick out of treating hunter like a punching back. yeah he probably doesnt mean to be actually hurtful but it doesnt look like the thought even crosses his satan spawn eyes that someone could have a different reaction than the one he was intends there to be. like i dont know hunter and idk if id even like him if i talked to him in person but it sucks qnr is horrible to watch anyone be treated that way consistently. like i wish creepcaet juet actually ended or isaiah learned how to not be shitty. i dont care if its not in his nature to not be awful he should just try to pretend to be a decent person for once. like i feel bad for hunter becuase it comes across like hes more stuck in the podcast than enjoying it and i empathise with struggling to leave “friends” who treat you like shit. and its like work too, i have no idea how much of a monetary and reputation loss it would be to leave. ppl are like “theyre adults they surely worked within themselves” yeah bc no adult ever has struggled or been stuck in a situation thats hard to get out of. honestly like yeah this is just a shitty podcast with shitty fans who just enjoy watching a bigger guy get bullied for no reason because they are probably mostly awful bullies in their own lives too hurting the people around them and i dont need to convern myself over what people who get a kick out of hurting others think.

i guess obligatory like. insane and unwarranted comment to the hosts bc no one is readingnthis let alone either of them but its like what if they read it and like felt x or y way in reaction. maube writing this will give me some semblance of peace

@ hunter: you seem cool and youre a really talented artist and naturally funny on camera/audio. i relate to having memories from childhood warped like that, and im sure/i would imagine that was the story told because it was far from the actual worst one. i think you deserve to respect yourself more, im sure being bullied is no skin of your back, im fat and ive been derided bc of it my whole life, from since i was 70kg and im 100kg now. its smth you get used to and it feels like not a big deal but on a fundamental level i thibk everyone deserves to respect themselves at least enough to not let friends treat you like shit to this extent. like i know banter and teasing is normal, butlike. its so excessive dude. it comes across like youre just stuck there and idk your financials and maybe you coulr be, ive heard of stories like that wrt youtube projects, and subversive animations arent loved by youtube’s revenue. heavy condolences if this turns out to be the case and hoping things can change. im sure it would be hard to quit anyway bc ppl would make such a big deal abt it. but if you are free to leave at anytime and you have freedom and are safe with isaiah,thank god thats great, get the FUCK out of there or get isaiah to stop treatiny you like shit cause you deserve better. if somehow you iust love beint berated like that i guess like each to his own too, i just hope youre doing ok juwt oj the basis of beint a fellow human being who appears to be in a legitimately shitty situation. if you are ajd im insane, thats fine too, id rather be insane than someone be suffering.

sigh

@ isaiah: i really liked your youtube vids. you seemed like a decent enougu guy. ofc like i dont actualyl Know either of tou, injust am human and relating on basic emotional levels based on the behavior you choose to display online. man. what the hell is wrong with you? if i expected you to actually read this i would be more polite but i dont expect a single soul to read this, really. like, man… i want to believe theres capacity of good and kindness in every person so surely you must have it, and if you do.. why are you acting like that. is being mean That funny? i love dark humor but ive never taken joy out of actively bullying people so i cant really relate but like, surely you can find otuer ways to have fun with your friend? im sure you think its all fine bc hunter wont throw a tantrum like you do but some people are actually way more inwards with their emotions and like you coild try to be a little more interested in how someone else feels when you bully them. “as a joke”. like maybe its not as funny as you think itnis, or they migut not be enjoying it like you do. i know its hard to stop when you want to talk but please try to stop interrupting hunter repeatedly after you clewrly mustve heard him adter the call delay? honestly, i thought you were a fine guy but now its like maybe youre just on a power trip, havint someone hostage to validate your opinions on horror and to bully for fun who wont talk back to you in a way thats actually challenging. since you love the sounf of your own voice so much you could do a solo podcast, you dont need hunter to be there as a punching bag in order to make a podcast. if you lvoe and care about hunter as a friend sincerely and iust have been totally by accident actint like a major piece of shit, id like want to hope for you to improve as a person in how you act and id want to believe thats very possible, but episode after episode its just.. like i dont give a shit abt dark mean humor i dont care if you call us in the audience pieces of shit or freaks or whatever, we’re not there talking to you, but hunter Is hearing what youre saying and is actually there.like id say for a christian you are extremely cruel but that is just ao on brand for open christians to behave that way that i honestly wanted to believe you would subvert that expectation, but it seems i was wrong. you know like i dont get this being mean as a joke thinf and neber have, i would say if hunter died tomorrow would you not have rather spent time with him in a positive way where he was loved instead of berated, but youd most likely “joke” that youre glad hes dead and that you didnt bully him enough. im not christian and i dont believe in heaven or hell but i know for you that youre most likely not seeing the pearly gates until you learn to pretend to be a good person to your friends. its probably not even smth you genuinely want to do or care to do but you could make that sacrifice of being nicer so the world is a better place while it has to have you here.

big sigh this isjsut hggggghhhhhh like a shame bc i love horror and i had enjoyed isaiahs youtube vids but , man this is such a disappointment. obviously i dont rly wana watch the podcast anymore butni like hunter reading and his voice and i would just hope for the best for him going forward, and the insane in my brain is like i gotta check it out maybe isaiah apologizes and acts like normal and nice without being rancid for once. even tho i know that wont be true bc it hasnt been for weeks since i started watching, i guess ill tune in for the next and if he foesnt shape up i’ll quit it. find a diff horror podcast or smth. makes me sad imagining hunter stuck in there. kike idk if hes even a good person like hes edgy on his own channel too but in general like he comes across like isaiah used to , lile someone who just seems fine and i havent heard anything saying theres smth horribly wrong with him. just on a basic human level it sucks to see people struggle and suffer. speciallt when its situations i relate and have been to. its been at least (uhh math…) damn 10 years or smth since an event that really stuck with me, where i was kust telling soem school friend abt my life at home bc we were just talking, and i relayed one of the ways my parents would beat me and how i was so scary, and she burst our cackling in my face. its a feeling that took a long time to stop having it sting in my head. she wasnt intending to laugh At me, or bc she thought beating children was genuinely good or funny, but to her the situation was so absurd it was funny. i can understand that on a detached level like if it wasnt real there would be some comedy timing to it. but instead i iust felt like a joke. like i was stupid, like it was this really funny ass thing, and i tried to play along, and it was like the fear trauma and pain that resulted from those events was a joke too. like i was stupid for having my life warped ny the abuse and it affecting me, because it was just so absurd and funny! like damn, i shouldve been abused as a child in a less absurd and funny way so people wouldnt mock me to my face about it. i guess i deserve it and its natural to be treated this way. until i met someoje who actually respected and gave a fuck about me and wouldnt make me feel that way i thoight it was normal and like i was fine with it too. i used to get bullied communally by my entire classroom for half of middle school and i thought those people were called friends too because id never been treated any better by anyone.

hgggghj i think its helped a bit to get it off my chest, maybe. man this sucks. i wish people would iust be nicer to eachother. life is so short, and some people cant even have the courtesy to not be tormented by people they call friends

[auraspheres]

an INDIE. SELECTIVE. CANON DIV. AURA GUARDIAN RILEY from POKEMON D/P/PT + ancestor verse ft. Sir Aaron written by leche! Multiverse, crossover, and oc friendly. please read rules under cut before following!

「 ✧ 」 ABOUT. PROMO. MEME TAG. HEADCANONS.

rules!

✧ Very canon divergent. A lot of history, headcanons, and even in-game events are explored differently here. While in some realm canon complimenting this iteration greatly diverges from the norm.

✧Triggering content containing NSFW both sexual and intensive themes. I do write smut but all of the above is put under a read more and tagged accordingly. Please be 18+ to interact.

✧ Selective, crossover/oc friendly, mutuals only etc etc. I only interact with mutuals and wait to be followed first before following back if I can see our characters and writing meshing well. This is just so I can have an active dashboard that I can freely interact with.

✧ You do not need a verse to interact with my muse. If anything I prefer general crossover to see how they interact in their various worlds.

✧ While open to shipping and discussing possible connections with my muses I will not insta-ship. It’ll have to be chemistry and interaction based with buildup and note the blog is not ship-focused.

✧ Please like any ask or starter I answered for you! Tumblr as always has its faults in its notifications. It’ll save me a lot of anxiety if you do! Thanks a bunch!

✧ I don’t do mains or exclusives in any way. While I do have close mutuals I’ll interact with a lot because of comfort there are no central characters or plots otherwise besides my own. If a muse wants to get involved in some exclusive way please come by me to see if we can plot something out.

✧ I’m not interested in poly-shipping. Nothing wrong with it ofcourse but Im only really comfortable shipping with friends or mutuals I know and on the same space as I’m in. I’d ask for a single-verse for my muse or we can go through a platonic route if your muse is exclusively poly, but as with anything please come talk to me for anything.

✧ You dont have to ask to reply to an ask. Please do! If anything I ask if possible to follow through on a meme or ask you’ve sent be turned into an interaction unless the point is moot or its a drabble. Not required of course, it just helps start and build interactions!

✧ Note the plot is centralized to my characters and canons put under the v. main tag. Dash events, rpc happenings and the whathavs unless I say so otherwise are not canon and often put under the crack tag or untagged. Please dont assume anything from my muse or expect them to engage either as sadly I have to step away from the dash often and cant catch up. I prefer to have control over my narrative and if you want something outside included please plot with me!

✧ Think I missed you when ya followed? Just like my pinned post and Ill check you out but please dont harass me or ask to be mutuals following that. Sometimes there’s just no clear way for our writing, content or characters to interact and asking me to be mutuals puts me in an uncomfortable spot.

✧ The rules above are the most prominent but THE REST FALL UNDER GENERAL RP ETIQUETTE. Anything not listed but known should be adhered. But if you have any questions please feel free to send me an ask for clarification!

credits:

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PSD: spun sugar

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And hello! Im Leche, 30, Mexican Latinx, and first generation American. Im tired, gay, transmac but can’t stop rp'ing as a fun hobby

[wherestarsarestillasleep]

second batch of p3p impressions, just met aigis. talk to me abt persona games

-Akihiko is so autism. “hey girl did you know the breaststroke is the most efficient swimming method due to ababaabba” “i have no interest in this information.” autism to autism confrontation

ALSO why is his social link a different arcana than his persona?? Ik in the base game he didn’t have a social link and still had an associated arcana but like, Minato also had a Magician slink and they still gave that to Junpei

also it’s funny that the stat requirement to start his slink has absolutely nothing to do with his own standards

-persona games are so fucking fun and addictive. it’s impressive they’re split into two very different kinds of gameplay and they both manage to be pretty evenly fun and engaging. im way more optimisation brained with this one than 4 and 5 and you can restore your whole partys hp and sp for a fraction of the amount of money you naturally make exploring tartarus and apparently originally if you went to the ground floor tired party members would leave but i guess not in portable so like. It’s just completely viable and optimal to do everything possible in tartarus on one ingame date only in a huge chunk so that’s what i’ve been doing. i was in there so fucking long. the dark "”hour””

-Okay so in persona 5 for the first arc, maybe also the second, you are introduced to ryuji and he fucking rocks. he’s so cool he’s set up to be a really great character i would love a lot and for the duration of kamoshidas palace he is that. also in persona 5 for most of the phantom thieves they have a cool plot focused on them for the dungeon you recruit them and then the writing has little idea what to do with those characters for the rest of the game. the result is ryuji is awesome for one maybe two dungeons and then is replaced by an imposter because his main story focus is over and the priority with his character then becomes making him fit better into the Persona Funny Pervert Bro Character trope which mostly fucking sucks and makes ryuji mostly fucking sucks

Junpei is presumably the character that started that archetype for yosuke and most-of-the-game-ryuji to follow, despite this for the first while he highlights the good parts of that archetype the funny bro who is your friend half and then it got harder and harder to continue liking him as i progressed and then the beach scene was predictably dogshit and added him to the very large pile of persona characters who i have to mentally overwrite significant things about in order to like them

When you first meet him Yukari assumes he’s hitting on you but it seems like no he was genuinely just being nice and concerned about a new transfer student and his social link continues being that he is your bro and he even offers to be your wingman for other dudes with zero jealousy and then his main story dialogue is. not that. And like. I assume he has the same july jealousy arc with the male protag because it is mostly about him generally feeling insecure and directionless but it Really Fucking Looks Worse with femc route when Junpei has more than one case of dialog about how He Should Be The Leader Cause He’s A Strong Man And You Are Girls it looks like THAT’S the main reason he’s so pissy for a while. he does earnestly apologise though. i still want to like him but i hate persona

-YUKARI though yukari is good i like yukari more and more i still haven’t seen as much of her link as some others but she’s thoughtful and outspoken. i dont have as many words to say about her but i like her a lot and that she takes initative on things and called out mitsuru and shuji directly and also apologised for it later as well. also i was very confused for a while why she couldn’t take a single hit when she had the same endurance as Minako that was because she was tired.

-Mitsuru is so cool and pretty and epic. that is all. maybe if you were a Genius she might spend time with you. Fuuka is my friend :). Akihiko is my favourite probably.

Currently Yukari is maybe the least useful party member and fell behind a bit but i like the look of her final skills in the end. Junpei for the last 2-3 boss fights has been almost exclusively rotating buffing everyone else also it is great that he can take a hit. Mitsuru is great for big damage and big heals and I like that Akihiko can passably fill any role you want him to be in at any point

It’s so cool that persona has both constant party members in your actual party members and a constantly rotating party in your personas because fusing newer higher level ones is much more likely than levelling your personas quickly enough to keep up. I made Oberon a while ago and he’s mad good, he’s still statistically up to par with higher level personas and with the skills i have on him he can take any role. in 4 and 5 i didnt pay all that much attention to exploring beyond the basic mechanics but taking deeper advantage of all the very many gameplay options they give you is really satisfying because persona games are difficult enough going out of your way to do all that leaves you well equipped without trivialising, at least this early into the game

-been trying to do all elizabeths requests but 1. i just missed exactly one on accident 2. fuck the golden shadows im not doing that ive managed to enter combat with exactly ONE hitting it from behind and then it had advantage and ran away immediately within battle?? 3. the requests where you get her an item from someone on a specific date i thought that was just the FIRST available date so i missed a lot of those... Also it sucks that enemies only drop items for her requests after you accept the request so I had to go back down floors

-odd that pharos main story link is a couple lower than sees main story link

-winning the low bar of least homophobic persona game. ik i just got past the part with the transphobic scene but i guess they removed it from either portable or femc’s route so I haven’t actually seen that

[theviceadmiralswife]

Interview with a vice admiral Yamakaji

Salute recruits and soldiers and good morning to New Marineford ⚓ ⚓⚓⚓⚓⚓

And welcome to this windy Wednesday in my studio 🎙  today none other then our most smiling vice admirals.... vice admiral Yamakaji,  welcome!

Yamakaji puffs out a cloud of cigar smoke,  nonchalant and  smiling as always.

Me >>>> Good morning Yamakaji how are you doing?<<<<

Yamakaji replies puffing on his cigar >>>>  I'm fine thank you. Its interesting indeed to be here <<<<

I chuckle at his complimentary remark >>> Glad you like it ready for the first question?<<<<

The bearly vice admiral nods in agreement.

I check my notes >>>> First question donated by my listener edward-d-sonata. What is your favourite hobby or free time occupation?

Yamakaji exhaled another blow of cigar smoke (I'm just glad that the ventilation is on) >>>> Isn't that the very same question you asked Stainless??? Is it all the same with your listener/reader? <<<<

I sigh this man is sharp >>> Yes it is, we know very little of you guys but we all love our marine men especially that crazy bunch of vice admirals so some questions are bound to be repeated. <<<

Yamakaji smiles increases >>>>  Well if that's the question the answer is  i like to craft in my free time. Mainly jewellery and little treasure boxes both from wood. Unless I need something for someone special.<<<

I have to grin I know where that is going >>> oh yeah I know which is by the way connected to question 2: Are you single ??<<<

He puffs on his cigar again >>> That was a question?<<< , he asked slightly embarrassed.

I nod>>> It was<<< He proudly smiles at me >>>> Well im engaged to be married!<<<< I chuckle i heard the news so I knew >>> congratulations Yamakaji to and your fiance y/n. When is the wedding on? So I assume you crafted something special for her<<<

He rubbed the beard on his chin >>> in 5 weeks exactly! And yes I did an angel necklace<<<

I clap my hands together >>> How beautiful and personal. It must look stunning on her. I know your fiance she's your secretary so... I can expect Dobermans and my official invitation in tomorrow's post???! <<<

Yamakaji laughed whole heartedly >>> You know her she's efficient and her timing is impeccable.<<<

I clear my throat the next question was tricky. As if Yamakaji could read my mind behind his cigar smoke. He asked furrowing his eyebrows >>> What is It? <<< I grumble >>> Well dont be offended. But your engagement happened after your defeat by Boa Hancock are these events related? I'm sooo sorry!<<<

His face became more serious and he blew some more cigar smoke across the room. Yamakaji chuckled >>> Doberman warned me off your sensory abilities,  tapping into others emotions <<< I ask surprised >>> He did ??? Oh brother <<<

Yamakaji chuckles >>> oh its not as bad as you think.... Dobermans chest swells with pride telling everyone about it, he said without flinching if you were trained as a marine you would have the most powerful supreme observations haki in the world, he believes it. <<<

I blush ☺ 😊 >>>  My oh my ...my husband better comes back from his latest assignment I think he needs extra spoils, but... back to business... <<< Yamakaji smiles at the comment made by his host before asking >>> so is your last question officially no 3?<< I nod eagerly >>> yes I make it question 3 are those 2 things related?<<<

He sighs deeply >>> Yes they are but not as you think. After i fell for Hancocks usual seductively devilfruit powers I considered to brake up my relationship with my then girlfriend y/n. How could I marry her if I fall for someone like Hancock?? My lovely y/n reminded me that these things happen and I should take the learning curve and 'suck it up butter cup' was her phrase. And her final words that a female pirate never could understand a real relationship nor marriage when love goes simply beyond just physical attraction. She said I'll make a fabulous husband and about 1 week later I proposed to her.<<<

Boom Micdrop 

I smirked >>> ok you are going to put her words to the test so. But aaaaaaaaw what a dote she must be, so unwavering. You two make a great team <<<

I nod approvingly >>> question 4 is related again... do you 2 plan on starting a family?<<

Yamakaji blushes ever so slightly before answering >>> indeed we do, a few weeks  after the wedding seems reasonable. I love children at least 4,  if I could have it my way but we will see what my leading lady has to say<><

I smile at him >>> that makes actually a nice question 5 if you have children,  would you want them to be marines???<<<<

Yamakaji contemplates his answer for a moment>>>> I wouldn't mind being a proud marine daddy but it will be up to  my future children if they wanted too. If I push to hard their future mother might send me in a time out.<<<, he laughs at his remark.

I laugh at that image in my head >>>> yeah you might want to avoid that. Question 6 What are your favourite foods, dishes drinks ??<

He chuckled >>> oh my interesting question ok first my favourite dish is cottage pie and I have to confess my love for pralines and tea...<<<

>> oh yeah I heard you and Comile are in a bit of a rivalry over tea vs coffee!<<<  I added.

He nodded>>>> yes we are, though I tell you now tea is superior. You can say it is also a hobby of mine<<<

I shrug my shoulders >>>> You know i cannot decide i drink both and Doberman will tell you not to force me to decide.<<<<

Yamakaji chuckles puffs out another cloud if cigar smoke. I continue >>> question 7 how did you end up being a marine <<

He exhaled >> Simple enough, my father was a marine , I'm the only one of all my siblings that followed in his footsteps.<<<

My face brightens up >> oh I'm a sucker for family tree's so question 8 what is your family like? <<<

He smiled while answering >>> I have to very loving parents even if my father is a high disciplinarian, I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. A larger family and it is amazing. There is always someone there if you need<<<

I nodded satisfied >>> Question 9 oh my.... is sure from one of your female admirers...<<< I clear my throat >>>  What is your love language?<<<

Yamakaji blushed again >>>  I say I tend to combine gifts and quality time. People assume that gifts are purely materialistic but that isn't the case its a very one sided way of thinking.<<<

I smile he gave a sensitive and emotional answer >>> question 10 at the top of my head would you and your bride consider giving an interview together as newly weds, maybe giving advice to freshly married couples?!<<<

He smiles and nods >>> Of course we will and I'll bring some special tea for this occasion !<<

I laugh >>> fantastic its settled so. Thanks for today's interview Yamakaji <<

He smiles >> pleasure was all mine <<<

I grin >>> as for the next interview I will leave it up for my listeners/readers to decide which vice admiral is desired oh and previously interviewed vice admirals are fair game too. So sound of the comments loud and clear. Have a good day you all<<

[mostoverstimulatedgirl]

I'm aroace and coming up on my 1 year anniversary of engagement to my lovely fiance who is not aro or ace and I do not use the term qpp. I have the type of relationship that tends to cause a lot of arguments so when irl people or strangers ask I just say I'm straight. (There's also an added layer of confusion from some people since I'm an ace guy and that seems to be a hot button topic rn)

I tend not to share this because people who know that I'm aroace think that I was previously going through a phase when I say I love my partner. I do love my partner but I'm still aroace and it looks different and this is the first time I've ever felt so secure with another person and what we were able to create is beautiful because I stopped listening to people tell me what a relationship is or should be. And we work amazingly together.

-a fellow aro mutual still too nervous to talk about being aroace with my actual unsername (but wanted to show solidarity)

omg hiiiiiiii!!!! ::3

ok first off CONGRATS ON ALMOST A YEAR OH EM GEE!!!!!!!! thats awesome im glad you found someone you can be yourself with ^u^

and uh. the rest of this is gonna be gibberish sorry jfkshdksj i was literally walking around my kitchen last night when i first got this ask trying to figure out how to word what i want to say for like an hour or 2 😭😭

but like. i think alot of people dont understand just how *open* the terms aro and ace can really be. like. idk at least to me its kinda like nonbinary. like nonbinary is anything that doest strictyly fit into the gender binary. and thats. uh. A Fuck Ton Of Things jfkshdjsj. like im aro but i might honestly feel romantic attraction. but for me its my strong dislike of the idea of being in a relationship, along with like. almost being disillusioned with the very concept of romantic attraction. (and being sorta kinda poly??)

this is the part that is gonna be incomprehensible jfksjsks. but the way i think about it is almost like. idk a diagnosis jfkshdks (NOT to be the weirdos that are like "romance is an illness" i just want to describe the fact that the borders and definitions of these attractions are socially constructed)

like romantic attraction has a bunch of "symptoms" (again value neutral i canmot stress enough that im not like anti people who like romance hfkshdjsj) like yk liking someone a bunch or butterflies in their stomach or like. yk whatever doesnt matter you get what i mean. the different thoughts and feelings and experiences that typically come up when someone is romantically attracted to someone. what im saying is i dont think there is *actually* a single Romantic Feeling people get, i think a lot of people just have a very similar experience, and so it sort of becomes a seperate thing yk. there isnt actually a Romantic Emotion but its a combo of a bunch of stuff that alot of people experience close enough to each others experiences that it is helpful for it to be named something.

but like. then people assume the Thing is actually real. or not that it isnt real but like. that the Thing came first and is law. when really its just a bunch of components that commonly make up the thing. and so when you share alot of those components of the Thing (saying i love you or being in a relationship that isnt a qpr with an allo person), people will say that you feel the Thing. but *you* know that you dont.

i dont really know where im going with this other than like. i wish people didnt see aro and ace people (specifically aro people jfksjsjs) as like. either you feel the Thing or you Dont. like 1. the Thing (romantic attraction) is something allo people cant even define comprehensibly and 2. the human experience is so varied that like. every single person is different and its v frustrating when people shit on others for not fitting into their idea of what that type of person is (shitting on aro people for not being what they think aro people are).

god this is nonsense im sorry but hopefully you understand what i mean. tl;dr everyone is different and everyones experiences of queer labels are different, id argue *especially* aro and ace people, and if you shit on aro and ace people for acting or feeling in a way you didnt expect or like, im killing you with a chainsaw

hopefully you can find other people who are not weird about your aroace-ness and if you ever need to talk about it id be down ^u^

[tmwcs]

i always assumed that heeyn fuck around without condoms right ??so did yn ever had a pregnancy scare? and if so how would both of them react? im curious

this is actually a question i've been waiting to hear back from bc i've wondered if you all had ever thought about that aspect. Which is why i have an upcoming SMAU that is titled "Baby What?" which is a pregnancy scare smau lol. and it's cute and comical as is majority of the smaus that take place in between major events of the chapters.

Yes, heethan and readen have always engaged in unprotected sex (OMG EVERY SINGLE TIME TOO.....heethan has a breeding kink) and you're going to find out in one of the upcoming chapters, that reader is the only one he's ever fucked raw. now as far as preventative measures, i left it unmentioned, i pretty much just imagined that a series of things occur that that outlines the lack of pregnancy scare:

1.) generally, i know some women are more fertile than others, and there are some women that can have unprotected sex for years before getting pregnant. I always imagined reader's body just not ovulating during the time frame or just being one of the types that doesn't get pregnant easily (i guess...i dont have kids i'm only going based off people i know that have them)

2.) the biggest one, is i just feel like she is responsible and after the first night with heethan, she reached out to her mother or went to a local planned parenthood clinic to get some bc. it isnt mentioned but i just imagined you to be the type to be responsible and having your shit together since you just started college (not to mention i have the reader between the age of like...18 or 19. while heethan being in his fourth year is like 22 or 23, about to be 24 bc he started college a year after graduating hs at 18) so reader is quite young and doesnt have any serious aspirations to be a parent right now...although heethan is a different story. man is in love and wants to take you off the market because you're all his. and honestly, he's so in love that i hate to say it bc it might sound cruel...but the man would love his kids, he'd love them to the world and back....but nothing comes above you...not even equal.

[consistantly-changing]

[Image descriptions in order: screenshots of tags left on the post. They say: #literally #i stopped posting bc no one engages with my fics at all #its not a pleasant feeling #i dont want to have to join fucking discord servers or some other forums just for the off chance that ppl might be discussing my fic #you have to leave comments on fics #or else what is the point]

[#how infuriating to know there are people saying nice things about you who won't say them "to" you]

[#i remember finding out once #that a group of mutual fandom acquaintances had an entire roleplay server based off one of my fics #meanwhile it was sitting at 50 hits 3 likes and 0 comments #then they got upset at me for shelving the fic like #what did you expect]

[#yeahhhhhhhh #every day my desire to write again is knocked down by shit like this]

[dude feed your writers and your artists #making art is lonely and we share it to find community]

[#ao3 #fandom #i struggle with the lack of comments so much #like i legit feel like theres no point in posting sometimes might as well just keep shit in the google docs]

[#my Non-Secret AO3 account's been updated recently too and there hasn't been much engagement #it kind of soured me on updating those stories for awhile]

[why is there this weird push to make fandom less accessible to OTHER FANS?]

[#writing #i get kudos nearly every day and it's lovely #but i get comments like #once every few months #people are reading but not leaving their thoughts #and ngl that kinda sucks]

[#How are writers supposed to know you like their work if they CANNOT see it??? #How are they supposes to stay motivated and write more if they cannot see how many people actually like it??? #I am writing 13k-15k chapters; do you know how LONG that takes??? How much time and effort??? #It's why I reblog the chapter index as much as I do; I NEED people to tell me if they like them #Otherwise it just feels like I'm posting my stuff on a brick wall that nobody is looking at #It's SO demotivating; to the point where I start to wonder if it's even worth continuing at times]

[#Brb literally crying at the very idea of how cheated I would feel if people did this for my fics]

[#(I keep discovering people that have-according to them- been gushing about my writing on discord) #(often I didn't even know these people existed because they never left me a comment) #(sometimes it's only months later through discord that I learn lots of people loved a scene that I thought totally flopped-) #(-because nobody ever once said anything about that scene in my comments.) #(if nobody says they liked it-I assume nobody liked it. please tell me if you like it.) #(you can tell your friends too but I'm gonna get a lot more out of it than they are.)]

[#yeah I got like six kudos the other day on a 150k fic from three years ago #and i was like ok clearly someone has shared this in their discord group and they've all read it and that's lovely! #they must have said really nice things about it for the whole group to presumably have talked about it a lot (it is 150k of fic) #wish a single one of them had said that in a comment instead of me having to just imagine the situation!]

[#fics literally need comments to survive like #yeah its for yourself and for the joy of creating #but its a STORY #with detail put into it and plot twists and things that i want to #im TELLING YOU a story #of course i want to see how the people im telling the story to think lol #PLEASE comment]

[#i tried to get back into writing fic #but the sheer lack of comments made me feel less motivated #kinda need feedback or i feel like my writing is getting lost into the Void #so i deleted the fic and gave up]

[#this #like my god why go to such lengths to NOT tell the author you liked their fic #this sort of thing leads to despair and to writers quitting #please let writers know you appreciate their work #please #why must we beg for crumbs]

[#yeah #I try to avoid being driven or encouraged by comments too much #no matter how much I deeply love and appreciate everyone who DOES take that time #because people are tired and busy #but that feeling of if I stopped 10000 people would take my place #that hit kinda hard today]

[#i had this experience #people were talking about my fic on a server i wasn't on #meanwhile i was having an existential crisis because no one was commenting on the fic itself #i was ready to abandon it until someone told me about the server #only a few years ago i could expect at least 20 comments on each chapter #now if i hit double digits that feels like a win #fic writing woes]

[#please do this #writing is hard #← prev tags #Ain't it #l see people rave about my stories on rec lists or see lovely comments in the bookmarks #You're already writing all that down #Why would you not tell ME #You know I am a human person right? #I publish these this for you to enjoy; I want to SHARE them with you]

[#sometimes i will get half a dozen kudos on the same fic in one day #(my fics are not popular so this is notable for me lol) #and it does make me wonder if the link just got posted in a group chat somewhere that i'm not part of #i did once get added to such a group chat and i was like... why didn't any of you comment?]

[#yeah I had dozens of docs on ff.net #ao3? 2 #what's the point of writing fanfiction when it can stay perfect in my head and I get the same level of engagement anyway #I posted to find people to talk about the stuff I liked #nobody wants to chill so I don't post anymore]

[#THIS #I'll randomly get an uptick of kudoses on an older fic and know someone shared it in a group chat #But no comments :/]

[#jfc that just makes me want to scream #hey kids guess what - if you create these little book clubs and exclude fic authors #you won't get any more fic #i can't tell you how much the comment count on my fics has gone down over the years #because this generation of fans think that kudos or inbox-squeeing or DMs is a substitute for an actual comment]

[I've been told by a reader "they love your fic in my server" and like oh... Okay, guess I'll never find out. Oh well.]

someone I follow on the bird app just announced they're starting a very exclusive private fic server because they and a bunch of other people want to talk about how much they love the fics they're reading, and as an author can I just say that a really great place to talk about a fic you love is in the comments for that fic

I understand that people are trying to create safe spaces, but as the number of comments that I get on my fics dwindles with each passing year, knowing these spaces exist where my fics are being discussed, places that I am excluded from, makes me want to write fic LESS

I mean I guess who cares, right, because if I stop writing, there's 10,000 other people that will continue...but if you participate in a fic "book club" server and you say nice things there about a fic you loved, maybe copy and paste that into a comment on AO3?

the only thing fanfic writers are asking for in return for hours of hard work is attention. please don't rob us of the one thing that we hope for when we hit "post"

[the-whispers-of-death]

mārīte: well, i wasn't sure how he'd feel about it. but if he insists, who am i to deny him? /lh

he can babysit jj now as well. as a treat lol

and the fact that they dont really need babysitting in the evil timeline cuz theyre like, what, 7 there? but sigh. the little thing loooooves people and will cause havoc if left alone, so mārīte is forced to drop them off at the ranch every so often. the one good thing about having like 5 dads: that kid will probably never walk home with a single scratch on them (well its that or face the wrath of mārīte who'd be **pissed**. so. yeah probably taking no chances w that one)

or a funnier option: mārīte asking ainārs and hellstorm if they can watch over jj for a day. and sorry hellstorm, ainārs already said yes.

which,,, also. makes me think now. would the kid they adopt even be introduced to the rest of the ranch??? im assuming that yes, but like. wow. i imagine itd be SO overwhelming with all the clashing personalities already there.

or the funnier option, stone or whoever pop by to check out their new apartment and need to be like "wait. pause. hello?? who's this???" and thats infinitely funnier. to be fair, they found out about their engagement on their radio show. wouldnt be surprised if they didnt bother to tell anyone about the kid either djdhjsdbhd

Stone, coming over: Who is this random child?

Hellstorm, getting very upset: They are not a random child, their name is Aiden. Ainārs and I adopted them. You're their unofficial uncle.

Stone: Hi Aiden. ....Wait when did you adopt a teen?

Classic Hellstorm and Ainārs, not telling anyone about any step in their relationship. Also yes, the teen they adopted came to me. So I guess they're my OC now.

No idea about their gender, though. So we'll just continue to use they/them pronouns for now.

[blueskittlesart]

tell me more about voltron please

i considered putting this behind a readmore but i dont think i will actually. i think im going to subject you all to this. okay to begin with when i say voltron i am not talking about the 1984 anime voltron. i am talking about the american 2016 reboot of that anime, voltron legendary defender. it had eight seasons within 2 years and i was obsessed with it for the majority of my time in middle school. it did irreparable damage to my brain.

voltron was run by two people named lauren montgomery and joaquim dos santos. voltron voice actors and writers also had a kind of unprecedented amount of interaction with their fans, both in-person and online. the majority of those fans were adolescent lgbt people, as are fans of most netlfix cartoons. this did not end well. i'll get into it later.

the first two seasons of voltron came out to relative praise. it appeared, at the time, to be an interesting character-driven children's show, similarly to steven universe and other cartoons of its time. As I mentioned, a lot of fans were adolescent and/or young adult lgbt people. this obviously led to fandom, and, as a consequence, shipping culture. the problem was that the shipping culture in voltron was insane. there were two MAIN ships that people were into at the time. keith/lance (klance) and keith/shiro (sheith). for context, keith and lance were 17 & 18-year old classmates and established rivals who had several heart-to-heart/romantically-coded scenes in the first two seasons, causing fans to latch on HARD. shiro was keith's 26-year-old adopted brother.

the mid-stage voltron fandom literally coined the terms "anti" and "proship." "anti" originally meant "anti-sheith" that is the kind of fandom culture were talking about here. before voltron, these debates had obviously still been present in fandom, but voltron dialed everything up several notches. it was insane. I was put on blocklists for being anti-sheith, as a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD.

I mentioned earlier that the showrunners and voice actors had a kind of unprecedented amount of interaction with their fans, and i actually think this is what lead to the show's downfall. What happened was, basically, at the very beginning of the show's run, one of the showrunners teased that they would have lgbt rep in their show. everyone assumed that this rep would be either klance or sheith, and went insane about it. the staff of the show could not have a single event without some fan asking if shieth or klance was going to be canon. they would always dance around it, which i don't REALLY blame them for. the biggest problem was that they actively REFUSED to condemn sheith, an incestuous ship between a 26 year old and a 17 year old. some fans at the time suggested that they even encouraged the shipping culture within the fandom because they knew it brought them more engagement. however, encouraging this kind of thing and refusing to condemn sheith led to several unsavory situations with voice actors and fans, most notably pidge's voice actor bullying a 13-year-old off this site after they pointed out it was weird that the voice actor openly shipped sheith. there were also several incidents where FANS were in the wrong, most notably when a klance shipper took photos of unaired material during a tour of the studio where voltron was being made and then threatened to leak it if the showrunners didn't make klance canon. it was an insane couple of years to be in fandom spaces on the internet.

this is bad, obviously. all of this is really bad. but it also all came alongside the steady, obvious decline in quality of the show itself. what had once seemed like an interesting, well-paced, character-driven narrative was clearly devolving into a badly-paced serialized mess. subtle racism began to creep into the writing. the racism became less subtle as the show went on, obviously favoring white characters. Characters would have development teased and then never followed through on. filler episodes would be full of weirdly malicious digs at fan-favorite characters for seemingly no reason. the story became disjointed, the tone shifted to be much darker with little warning, and the plot became nearly impossible to follow. what came out later on, after the show had concluded, was that sometime after season 3 or so, the showrunners had THROWN OUT THE SHOW'S BIBLE. meaning past a certain point, there was ZERO PLANNING, zero written plot, zero ANYTHING. it was obvious in hindsight why the show started to go downhill so quickly. It was speculated that the bible was thrown out specifically to spite klance shippers, who the showrunners later openly admitted to hating and wanting to screw over.

six seasons came and went with no lgbt rep like they'd promised. the fans were getting incredibly impatient. the longer they went without the satisfaction of a klance or sheith payoff, the harder it became for them to overlook the writing problems in the show. something had to be done.

at sdcc 2018, the voltron team showed a clip of their new season.

this was an EVENT in the fandom. like. i remember exactly where i was at the time. i remember refreshing the blog of a mutual i had who was at the panel, liveblogging it, and praying that they would finally fix everything they'd fucked up over the last year. they showed a clip of shiro and another man, who was named adam. the clip itself was ambiguous, but when asked about it afterward the showrunners confirmed that adam was shiro's fiancee.

this literally sent voltron fans into a rabid state. we were going fucking INSANE for those 2 weeks between the panel and the season's release. as far as we knew, at the time, we had been given the lgbt rep we'd been promised, and they'd somehow managed to do it WITHOUT PISSING OFF EITHER SIDE OF THE SHIP WAR. it was a miracle.

two weeks later, the season aired. adam was in about 2 minutes of the episodes, total. EPISODES, PLURAL. there were 13 in the season. his presence on screen amounted to the ambiguous scene which was played at the con, where it's unclear what his relationship with shiro actually was, and a scene of him DYING IN A FIGHTER CRASH.

the fandom fucking imploded at this point, and i left it basically immediately afterwards because the lgbt rep was basically the only thing i'd been holding out for. i can't tell you exactly what happened after that but the rotten tomatoes score for voltron went from like 79% to 10% overnight, if that gives you any idea. voltron legendary defender is also currently cited as an example on the wikipedia page for queerbaiting. they lost about 90% of their fanbase that day, and the rest was lost a few months later when they killed their only black character and redeemed their genocidal villains in the final season.

voltron sucked ass and i have no idea what possessed me to sit through ONE season of it, let alone seven, when it was just so obviously never going to be what i wanted it to be. that being said, the fandom was a literal cultural reset for every lgbt person between the ages of 14 and 25 at the time. make of that what you will but for the love of god do not watch it for yourself. stay as far away from this fucking show as humanly possible

[99izms]

papercuts

/ kiss it better (angst, sexual themes, fluffy ending) 800ct

warnings: the writing includes sensitive talk of unenthusiastic sex, please be cautious

lyric synopsis: ive been waiting up all night / baby tell me whats wrong

do you remember those times as a kid when you hurt yourself in some way and someone would tell you itll be okay, then theyd kiss the pain away?

youd say thank you and tell them it felt all better, but that wasnt true, was it?

i used to assume we all lie when someone kisses our pain away just to make them feel better— theyve done the best they could after all, but ive seemed to notice, after asking around, the papercuts did feel better after a big kiss.

those moments when the heat from our cheeks turn from anger into passion might confuse others, but i knew what the line was and when we crossed it. i could tell which tears on my cheek were beomgyus and which were mine. i knew how to hold him when he hiccuped after our kisses, his nose still red and his eyes still puffy.

no one likes arguing in relationships, but a lot of people like making up. i dont.

there was an odd feeling whenever i looked into his eyes in the middle of the action. he held me close and his hands grasped at me like i was disappearing, but my heart and stomach hurt in a routine way every single time we made up.

i enjoy being with him, i enjoy engaging with him sexually every time we do, yet i cant help but feel that kissing papercuts is the childish version of bandaids over bullet holes, and thats just the hyperbolic version of make up sex.

as a kid i never admitted to anyone that my wrist still hurt after someone said they put enough love in it to heal it, i didnt want to cause a big fuss. im still not sure if i want to cause a fuss, but part of me felt beomgyu noticing the way i would pull away.

the most recent time we argued he paused while inside of me, holding my cheek. my stomach was hurting when i looked at his long eyelashes and flushed cheeks.

“whats wrong?”

i shook my head and tried to get him to continue, not wanting to face the issue. instead, he pulls himself out of me fully and lies next to me.

“baby, tell me whats wrong,” he whispered into the dimly lit room. i almost couldnt see him, but ive studied his face for so long, theres nothing about his face i could miss, even if my eyes were closed.

the sobs from the argument that laid dormant started flowing again, this time into beomgyus chest rather than his cheeks. then the feelings from three arguments ago started pouring out, then four arguments ago soon after. (two arguments ago wasnt a large detriment to me, as it was largely my fault. i couldnt feel sad for that one.)

i clawed at his body, not sure if i wanted to hurt him for hurting me. how fair is that if he thought he was making it right?

still, he let me scratch him. i scratched at his shoulder, as close to his back as i could get, his chest, his neck. i scratched at him, and it felt cruel but the tears clouded more than my eyes. i scratched at him until i felt the scratch turn into a raised bump, soon to bleed.

i tried to rub the tears and drool away from my face before attempting to nurse beomgyus wounds before they worsened.

he shook his head quietly, contrasting my erratic behavior violently. his hands held my head and brought it back to his chest.

his heartbeat began to patter as it does when he cries, but he placed his hand on my head, forcing me to lay and do nothing else. my only option was to lay in his hold and sleep, so i did.

when i awoke, i looked at beomgyus sleeping body. his chest was red and bumpy, but not nearly as bad as i had thought it would be. his nose and eyes were red too. maybe he had wiped the blood off himself.

my hands ran up his body, feeling his chest, neck, and cheek. i watched the way his eyelids occasionally twitched in his sleep and thought about how cute he looked when he was calm. i thought about how noticeable i mustve been last night. i thought about how maybe arguments can actually end now.

i leaned over and kissed beomgyus eyelids softly. he opened them soon after, telling me he thinks his tear-burned eyes needs an ice pack after how horrible last night was for both of us. i smiled and told him id get him something to help.

i thought about how kisses dont make everything better, but that was never the point.

[saintobio]

hello saint!!! saw your update about being busy with the transfer to another department, so all the best dealing with numbers!!! 🥲 it's okay if the updates gonna take you 10 years, what's more important is that you remember to prioritise and take care of yourself. no rush.

after scrolling through your asks in sy tag, i realised that there's other people who had the same thoughts as me about the ending of sy being bittersweet. i was contemplating to continue writing this ask of mine or not (because im sure you're getting the same annoying asks again and again) but i'll just go ahead anyway

i think sy will flow like this (towards the end?):

at one point toji and yn is going to talk about their relationship and decide to break the engagement off (because they are better off as friends than lovers). then yn realises that she still loves gojo and yearns for his love but she has to witness him fall in love with utahime from afar. we have to watch yn face her fears of watching someone she loves falling in love with someone else and just being in a dilemma about it (because they're divorced etc.). by then, it's already too late for them to be even get together (although they talked it out already) because gojo has already decided to let yn go like how she did with gojo back at the end of sn (not blaming her for that) and instead seek his happily ever after with utahime instead.

to add on, before i continue, this fic is called "sincerely yours" right? i didn't see anyone mentioning that the phrase "sincerely yours" is also the phrase people usually use as a way to end a letter to someone they are close to. maybe we can assume that at the end of this, gojo and yn bid farewell to this chapter of their lives and move on? haha.....

if i have to talk about gojohime's ending in my theory more in depth, i would say that if gojo happens to realise that he's falling in love utahime and he already decided to let yn go, i think he would ask utahime to wait for him until he gets better and is emotionally ready to love again. at that stage, he's ready to learn from his mistakes in his previous marriage so that he won't repeat them and put another woman he's going to love into the same mess again.

and then for yn, after years of burying her trauma and feelings for gojo, she finally learns to let him go (like gojo was trying to do after she announced the divorce and before she got married to toji) because she realised that no matter how much she hope they can overcome the odds together, they will never be really happy together because of the many things that had happened in their relationship.

this is super sad for yn because in this lifetime, she couldn't be in a proper, loving relationship. all she has left is her company and sachiro. i think she'll forever reminisce the moments she had with gojo (especially when she have to see him be happy with his new family).

i guess the only path yn can pursue with this ending is that she ends up with no one and just be an independent single mother. anyways, you do not need to be in a relationship to have a happily ever after and maybe yn will learn how to love herself more (and overcome her rs traumas)

also!! they don't really give me soulmates, meant-to-be vibes from the start 😭 im not hating on them (so dont come after me!!) but they give me tragic first love kind of vibes. there's this website that explains the different types of love and i think what yn and gojo had (or have lol) is puppy, first & great love. puppy love is the love you get from a crush (their childhood), first love is the love that teaches you what love is/should be, and the love that hurts you (sn). lastly, great love. more of like romeo & juliet, they're the one for you but because of fate, the two of you can never happen (sy).

i guess since utahime is the second fl, there's a possibility that she might be gojo's true love (the kind of love you get when you are living a happy ending with someone). because if gojo decides to be with her in the end, he should already be in a much better place in his life by then to really love her properly, and be loved in return deservedly (after all the trauma he had).

yn already got her 'kinda' version of 'happily ever after' in sn (moving away to take better care of herself, being in another r/s, her own fashion brand and almost got married). i think in sy, it's going to be gojo's turn to have all of that.

the article is below if u wanna read it!! i also hope people can stop hating and sending death threats to utahime ffs 😭 some of the comments are just quite ridiculous (no im not a gojohime shipper or whatever in fact all i want is yn to be living her best life fhkdjdkd I KNOW im imagining a sad outcome for yn but i based this theory off the sy playlist & the hints given through sy related asks!)

https://thoughtcatalog.com/camille-antonette-marollano/2017/09/these-are-all-the-types-of-love-youll-encounter-before-you-find-the-one/

yay thank u for taking ur time to read this rambling of mine ((:

ps i actually came up with 10 different possible endings (1/2 of them is gojoyn ending up together) & scenes that might happen in between sy6 and sy15 WITH evidences for sy :") like its to the point i had to use the table template in google docs to organise everything (like how one would do with a book for literature classes) hdushsjsjjsdks i guess i'll share more next time

thanks sm!! i’m still on a transitioning period and i’ll be working long hours now :’( i really hope i’d still find enough time to write daily. if not, i can only write on weekends <//3

also that’s a rly good theory!! i can’t confirm anything as of now but your predictions are very interesting :> that definitely sounds bittersweet and omg u have other predictions for the ending too?? hhhhhh that’s so nice :’D i hope we get to hear more of ur theories soon!!

[gwendolynalbrecht]

Genshin Impact, Hoyoverse and the problems Twitter wont allow you to critique

The Genshin fandom is unique to me. I have been in many fandoms and some of them were incredebly toxic. I watched Netflix´s Voltron and engaged with the fandom. What makes Genshins fandom so odd to me is how hellbend they are to defend Hoyoverse. Even against reasonable outrage. To the point they demand you echo chamber every single post of any kind and never breathe out a negative opinion ever. And I dont get it.

Now personally I have this quirk where I struggle to talk about the things I like in media I enjoy. I cant meaningfully vocalize why I enjoy something. I just do. I like the look, the feel or the plot and I do just because. But when it comes to things I dislike in the media I enjoy I can actually go much more in depths and when I talk to people I want to have something to say beyond "Heh this character looks neat." I want to have meaningful conversations. But this fandom doesnt let me do that. If you like something and enjoy it you can still dislike aspects of it and if its a game or product activly being rolled out you should voice these dislikes in hopes of making a change. That is how I feel. Of course I take part in surveys but I also post it online or under related posts, assuming people are willing to discuss.

Instead I get pushed back and told to silence myself or go into a lonely corner where I cant bother anyone and I dont understand why. What makes Hoyoverse so deserving of this kind of protection. Im just one random as hell person. They stock market wont crash when I say their character design after Yelan has become stale, uninspired and down right ugly in Tighnaris case. "I like him." Is not a good argument to disprove my points. Of course you can like him, Im not saying you shouldnt! Or you cant.

But what has Hoyoverse done to deserve the defensive fandom? -Shit on their fans -releasing bugged or broken characters (Xinyan is still not fixed) -41 out of 43 characters are pale with only 1 new tanned character in sight -6 body models they are stubbornly holding onto (Itto being shafted by the fans obsessing over Ayato who turned out 100 times more boring than Itto) -A weird fixation on keeping the toddler body type exlcusivly female (Lolicon bait) -The Anniversary debacle -Exploititive publicity stunts -They are stingy with rewards, at least compared to the other gacha games I play. (You get 150 primos for clearing Floor 12 in the Abyss, the worst and most difficult thing to do in this game and you do not get a single pull for it.) -They make the game a pain/impossible for new players

The laundry list could probably go on if we get really nitpicky. But I personally am mostly concerned about plot and character design. As well as Quality of life. I will rund down my issues.

Plot: Every big event, usually the big event of the new patch, has a very important plot detail put in it. Recently in the chasm we learned what happened to the lost Yaksha. But any new player joining will not have that information. They cannot experience said cutszenes themselves they need to outsource to you tube, external to Hoyoverse. You cant even rewatch regular cutszenes without going to random you tube channels.

Character Design: I think the biggest issue is quite obvious. The skin type diversity does not exist. Neither does body type. Character design is strictly bound to 6 models. Toddler, teenager x2, adult x2 and kinda slightly more buff man. And thats it. Despite enemy models having more unique shapes. So models exist that could be used? Granted Im not a game developer so maybe that would be difficult to pull off. We currently have 43 playable characters with 4 unique skin types. Pale, 1 character with a warmer pale skin tone and 1 character with grey skin and then 2 tanned characters. Since Im not allowed to argue about representation according to Twitter I will just say that seeing the same stuff over and over again is becoming quite stale. Even for me. A white lady. We now got the Fatui Harbingers revealed and that seems hype at first until you realize that on one hand they are generic anime villains you have all seen before. And on the other hand Hoyoverses strict 6 model concept made it obvious which of them will die for sure. Which really shouldnt happen. Dont get attatched to Igor but Genshin, tiny elderly man is not a viable playable model, he is dead meat. Sumeru in general has no theme to its designs, even excluding leaks (though the official art confirmed the leaks as accurate) while you could tell if a character was from Mondstadt, Inazuma or Liyue you seriously cant with Sumeru. Tighnari and Dori look so unlike each other I would believe you if you told me they were from different games.

Quality of Life: The most obvious issues is the Artifact RNG, I think its the one thing we can all agree on. But also why cant we safe artifact sets to quick switch between builds?

Most importantly though New Players. If you were to join now and pull Kujo Sara off the standard banner you would get stuck with a completely useless unit until you finish all of Mondstadt and Liyue and some long winding quests in Inazuma. By then you probably already invested in more accessable characters and no longer need a Kujo Sara or you no longer like her because of the hassle. And maybe you think its not that bad. But it wont get better over time. Imagine the last region comes out. And you see the cryo archon deciding thats the character you will start playing for… if you even get her you then have her in Mondstadt. If you´re lucky someone pointed out the test run so you can at least get her to lvl 40. But thats it. Until you do EVERYTHING to get to Sneznaya you will not be able to level her talents. Get her past lvl 40 etc. Making your Archon a brick you have to drag along. And this needs to be pointed out and complained about or it wont change and lets be real here! Hoyoverse doesnt read our surveys. Its just a front to make us feel heard. Customer Service is so bad you are lucky if you get a hacked account back, though even if you do they dont restore destroyed or wasted currency or items.

The fix isnt even that difficult. Put in a traveling merchant who sells materials like Kujo Saras flowers. Hell put a buying limit of ten each week in and cycle it out each day.

Make a dream solvent type item for regular bosses. So you can transform the loot from the cryo regisvine into that of the electro oceanid. Hoyoverse still forces you to farm for resin but you can level your character at least.

I sincerely like the game despite my rough tone on twitter, but I am frustrated and feel unseen and silenced by a fanbase that rather die on the hill of defending a BILLION dollar company than admit flaws with this game. I just want the game improve and not be milked and lef tin the dust for other games. Because thats what happening. Genshin is financing Star Rail and other Hoyoverse projects and they put in the bare minimum for their cash cow to stay marketable when New Players are truely the ones most fucked over.

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

does what u read and write define u as a person? what do u think about that question?

long ass answer per usual

1. what u read define u as a person

i think this is different for everybody. i consume media a lot and all of them gave me something—ideas, perspectives, etc—however miniscule. but not everyone is like that. some people actually dont consume media that much. or if they do, they aren't that attentive in their engagement to media, ykwim? i know that depending on your social circle on the internet, esp in fandoms, it can feel like everybody is "into something" ... but IRL some people don't actually do that. and for these people media probably dont have as much impact to them as it does to people who put an importance to media in general.

as for people who do ... hm. these days people even pick and choose a media because they feel like this would define them as a person—like a label. like idk, fucking "im a dc fan" vs "im a marvel fan", "i like reading shounen" vs "i like reading seinen". some people deliberately show that they are the kind of person who engage with "this kind of content" instead of "this other kind of content". media can now be an identity marker to express yourself ... like clothes you wear. like an aesthetic. same logic can apply when you hate media, too. like when ppl dont wanna be associated with kpop/that euphoria tv show/boku no hero academia because they dont want to seem like a person who would be associated with said media. 

basically, you are what you read is very similar to you are what you buy kind of mentality, no? 

not that there is anything invalid about it. well, probably there is—ooo consuming media performatively or whatever hur dur—but idrc. i mean i do it too. its also useful to find other people with similar interest, which leads to you finding “better” media to consume. i mean, taste is built. plus, nothing wrong with identifying with a specific kind of content. 

so yeah. i do think the kind of stuff that you consume contribute to who you are as a person and does on some level define who you are. but definitely not all of it. 

also, you dont always agree with everything that you consume, even if you like the aforementioned thing. you are what you read sort of implies that all pieces of media is ... hm ... a propaganda—and one that you just go along with unconditionally. but i dont want to read every story just blindly believing in every single thing it says to me. its a two way street when you read. you change the story too, as a reader. the story is also defined by you.

2. what u write define u as a person

i think it does, but not all of it, and definitely not straightforwardly.

like say somebody writes a telenovela about twins separated at birth and one of them falls in love with a person who turns out to be their sister from another mother and the other twin drives a car off a cliff and has amnesia. this does not mean that the writer actually experiences all of this, yknow? 

a story definitely tells you what kind of person the writer is, i 100% believe this. but that doesnt mean we can always understand what kind of person the writer is. does that make sense? i mean, the same text can be interpreted in a million different ways by a million different readers, dont u think? all of us come out of the story carrying different things and understandings, and not all of them would match up perfectly with what the writer is trying to tell us. you cant really assume you understand who the writer is as a person completely just by reading what they write. 

(and also thats just a weird and invasive behavior.)

i dont really believe in death of the author, personally. but sometimes you just ... cant find the author. this can be due to the author’s skillset in conveying their ideas/our own skillset in interpreting media/reader’s biases and projections on the story/etc, etc. the author is there, for sure, but you dont always see them in the story. i mean, sometimes you just see yourself. 

plus, stories and authors change overtime. stories will always be reinterpreted and rehashed differently depending on the current times, and authors, as long as they arent dead, will change as a person. cuz, yknow, they are people. 

what u read and write define u as a person isn’t wrong necessarily—but it is, however, reductive.

reading bleach did define me as a person though